Build Confidence In Children

To make it more simple, I use the term "confident" here as an acronym of self-confidence (self confidence). Confident, as we've discussed here, is the belief that someone will have the ability to display a particular behavior or to achieve certain targets.

In practice, there is such a confident public (general) and there is such a special confident (specifik). We may be confident children learn skills like riding a bike because he had a successful experience in learning this skill. Pede pede is called a special or particular.

Are all confident that a child's talent, intelligence, or mental qualities? There is evidence strengthening the case that all a child's confident it's not talent (in the sense of a special uniqueness different from one another), but rather a mental quality (in the sense of achievement resulting from the educational process or empowerment). That is, all children have a right to be trained to be more confident, according to circumstances.

Since when children can be trained? If you look at his writings Erik Erikson (Vander Zender, et al, 1978), this needs to be trained from the time the child is familiar with the world outside the womb or from an early age. With beranjaknya age, adaptatifnya instinct, the child is berlahan and gradually to cultivate his confident that through various eksperiensi and exploration, for example by trying out something, move freely, and others. Erikson said, parents are able to give love and security, will foster the child's confident. Compassion and a sense of security that will stick in the mind of the child's conclusion: the world turned out to be good so there is no reason to fear.

He said again, parents are smart to develop her sense of autonomy of the child (eg, free play for his decision), the smart channel or parental rights initiative that smart to give the child the opportunity to hone a variety of skill and practice (competencies), it will nurture confident, perhaps in a common area or perhaps in a specific area.

"Well, sir, if the practice goes as planned, that's easy on the run. But is it our children have their own plans that he did not know the consequences. Cook initiative that we let it continue?" Such questions may arise in the minds of us all.

It really was. The children's 'creature' with two sides. One hand, he is being passive, depending on how parents shape. But, on the other hand, he is an active creature, could form himself and even managed to shape the behavior of parents. Most of the behavior and our response is influenced by its role in influencing. Great is not it?

Therefore, we need to return to the principles of the safest. As Alfred Adler said, the model of parenting the most dangerous for the mental development of children is too protective or too ignore. Press the point here is not to protect or ignore, but terlalunya it.


Why should Confidence Coaching?
In general, confident of his child, the better it will be more likely to achieve success according to his wishes, compared with a confident child is low. The same with adults. Because our children will also be an adult, it is important for us to provide a good mental foundation. This is related to the following:

First, the person's confident it will be associated with the choice of his mental attitude toward the task or challenge. A confident person, or his son will choose the high mental attitude "I Can" (The-I-Can-Attitude). In contrast, a confident child is low, although he could, but would feel a little bit difficult, "can not" "scared ah", and various similar expressions. Logically, his confident child is more likely to perform well.

Second, the person's confident it will be related to perceptions in a person waking up in the face of the task or challenge. People who are confident of his good will perceive the task as a challenge or something smaller than him so easy to come up a thirst to conquer it. In fact, she may feel embarrassed if you can not even.

Third, the person's confident it will be associated with the term locus of control. So long as men live in this world, not the person is religious or not, must be exposed to things that are not can be changed again, as the sun rises and sets, there are day and night, man would die. But the nature of such a fate is certain amount is very small. Al-Quran the Bible itself, it is said, simply load no more than 20% of fate that can not be changed. Left to the rest us to select, for example, if we study hard, then our destiny is good, but if not, then our destiny ugly, and so on.

Well, people are confident it will bring as much good solid understanding that his fate is determined more by the choice, life is a choice, or put the locus of control into itself, not a little to rely on God, relying on the state, relying on fate good, or rely on others (external locus of control).

In general, a strong understanding of the positive as far as supported by a good faith understanding. In addition to the above three, the confident it's also related to the high and low arousal to the child's achievement (motivation), it's not in school now or later in his work.

"Destiny is something permanent and only very few in number. The rest is destiny that we Were Left to select"


Some Parenting Is Not Supporting
There are a number of parenting that could potentially threaten the emergence of mental qualities that we call it confident. These include:

Too often give a negative label on a child or minor. This label usually we create by the opinions or comments, for example, we say the child was not bisaan, or more extreme we say he's stupid or dumb, and semisalnya.
Too often cutting process is carried out exploration and eksperiensi the child with too much or too quickly issued a ban on "do not". Sometimes it takes as a result of danger, but sometimes we need to love the opportunity first to no avail. For instance, he wants to interfere our work. If it's possible, he needs our love a chance to prove himself.
Creating a negative comparison. To prove just how great our kids, we appoint someone else's child or friend or brother / sister better as evidence for the attack. This often makes the child feel inferior or threatened. We better use as a positive comparison, for example by saying that if the he can, you can too, even better if you want more keen to learn.
Too ignore the achievements of children. The work of any nature that children should respect, as do we. Density is on schedule parents, sometimes we forget to give credit to the work of the child, so she did not feel any sensation with his performance. Motivation is less evocative.
Threats and fear. Too often led to the statement that smells hopeless or pessimistic, or too negative about life bring understanding, or even commit violence and dictatorship, can also donate seeds to the child's mental keminderan.


Where Self-Confidence Formed?
From studies conducted Bandura (1997), experts Psychology from Stanford University, there are four sources that we can use to foster the child's confident. All four are the following:

First, the experience of life. Referring to here, we need to help children to create as many successful experiences, ranging from small ones. For example, we say a child can not do their homework to the teacher, but we think it can. To fight this, we need to accompany the child process is done until there is evidence that in fact he could.

For example, again we ask him to buy something in store A, which is close to home, and it did not exist. If we look at another store, then we need to quickly led him to not feel constrained, by looking at other stores. If a child knows that he can handle the constraints, then that experience is a testament to his success.

Experience, according to Bandura, ranked top in terms of improving the level of self-confidence. Erikson said, the children's parents were not fooled by empty praise. Children need to be given a chance to prove himself until he has a right to be praised.

Second, the sample or model. We can bring samples to the child, whether it be from friends or relatives (positive ratio). We can also give an example, suppose that we finally managed to handle the affairs after a different manner or that we are not easy to find quickly constrained.

Third, social persuasion. Positive comments or recognition of family, school, or more broadly will increasingly foster the child's confident. Generally, the environment out there to give negative comments. Therefore, as pengimbangnya, we need to give a positive comment. Only, the point is not that he's happy or just to make silent, but to provide explanations and positive motivation.

Fourth, psychological factors. Children whose souls are OK, comfortable clothes to wear, comfortable with her appearance, comfortable with the parents who support it, it's easier to build a sense of self-esteem compared with children whose souls are nervous about acne, the color of her clothes, her hair, or sad much of his parents .


The Important Role of Parenting
In the past, when most of us were children, especially in our parents' age, nature and external circumstances helped us perform a variety of eksperiensi and exploration. Child free play in nature and hardly any area that is threatened by the issue of parental abduction. In addition, the external situation is also challenging to fight, such as lack of facilities, and others. In the end, good cooperation between parents, neighbors, nature and problems of life makes children more deeply rooted in ancient and full of confidence as well trained to face the crisis.

Today, children are more easily get the ease and convenience of life, but also there are many threats and obstacles that limit their freedom to explore and bereksperiensi through the game in the area. Therefore, it may be time we are more oriented parenting methods "everyday" Life's forging skill and attentiveness of the child overcome the problem independently. May be useful.